What is life experience in dating? Why do young Americans try to prove they’re more mature than they are? The type who won’t hesitate to share situations that supposedly made them grow “faster” than peers. Coworker bragging he’s worked since 16. Girl insisting she’s “different” because she lived abroad. Another circling back to painful child divorce, juggling school and work. In global terms, that’s timid—10-year-olds hustling on streets, living in garbage bag tents next to bus stations

Your Past Doesn’t Prove Your Value. I’ve done a couple interesting things, but it never crossed my mind to use that as proof of my value as a man women should date. Your past doesn’t speak for you—you speak for you, especially in romance. Talking up your past is fastest path to “douche” if you’re a guy, “nerd” or “drama queen” if you’re a girl. It’s like the guy putting his BMW key chain on the bar to attract females—transparent, low-status signaling that kills genuine attraction.

In dating, there’s no substitute for the sheer number of days you’ve lived, whether “living abroad” in college or not. There’s the claim of experience and maturity, then there’s who you are in front of them now. One you can lie about; the other you can’t. Women and men feel congruence: calm presence, grounded behavior, emotional stability. You don’t need to sell your backstory; your behavior under pressure, your empathy and boundaries, quietly reveal your real relationship experience.

So stop trying to win dates by selling stories about how “mature” or “different” you are. Life experience in relationships is how you handle conflict, show up consistently, and love without drama today. Trauma monologues on a first date feel like BMW key chains on the table. Instead, let your history inform your standards and choices, not become a brag reel. In love, your character is the resume; your stories are just footnotes. One can be faked, the other lived.